Kidnapped

No, not me, I’m fine. Though I will tell you about kidnappings happening in Abkhazia daily.

Here’s how it works, pay close attention.

Guys: It’s a moonlit night, you are walking along the seashore with your sweetie, stealing a little smooch while holding her close to you (but not as close as Svet was holding me, no not that close). Romantic? Yes. She’s the one? Yes. Ready to pop the question?? You bet’cha. Ready for the big M? (matrimony) You say "Ready as I’ll ever be, gulp".

Next Step. The following day, in broad daylight, you KIDNAP your beloved. You sweep her off her feet, literally, and GO. Go where you ask? Get this, you take her to your mother’s house!!!!

Yep, the guy kidnaps the girl and takes her to his mom’s place. That’s it. No certificate, no license, no justice of the peace or cleric, no ceremony, unless you want to “make a party” in a couple of months, no “I dos”, no rings and things. Done. Once you have kidnapped her and take her to mom’s place, SHE IS YOURS, ‘til death you do part. That’s all there is to it.

Now, what happens if you gals want to ditch the dude? Guys don't need to ditch girls, they just kidnap another gal and add to the collection. According to one woman I spoke to, her approach was rather daunting. She was kidnapped at 16 years of age, a typical age for kidnapping, and by 20 she was fed up with the guy (or maybe his mother) not sure which. She went to the University, became an attorney at law, and filed papers of divorce. There were no papers of marriage, but apparently you make papers of divorce. Go figure. So, gals, if you are not planning on becoming a lawyer in this lifetime, choose wisely if you come to Abkhazia. Otherwise, you and mom-in-law are hangin’ for as long as one of the two of you are around.

There are other questions like “what happens when mom has 8 boys and they all bring home their betrothed, what happens then? Where’s dad in all this matrimony menagerie? Why can’t lovers pick their own digs? Things like that. But for now, I think the basic kidnapping-reality is sufficient to ponder. We will save the rest for another visit. Meanwhile in order house all these brides I'm guessing pops has to get a 2nd job (which given the lackadasicalness of every Abkhazian male it is hard to imagine).

Be careful who you kiss, kidnap and forget Sunday dinner at mom’s place, kidos unless you are ready to tie the knot.

Nighty night.

G

Send pictures of yourselves, all of you! The old fashioned kind, not electronic. We are forbidden to download pictures, on these ancient machines. There’s no way to print them anyway.