Announcement

I wanted you to be the second to know, me first.

Ta Daaaaaaaa

I am now a bonafide, official OLD LADY. Not because of my graying hair, or the joyful loss of childbearing status. Not because I suffer with bed-head and bad breath, the kind old ladies have. Not because I am the grandest-grand-mother of the most beautiful and intelligent child on the planet, or because my memory is “weak”. No, not even because The Bear called me a babooshka (old woman). And not because when I am in downward dog upside-downedness I discover my knees are wrinkled. Nope, none of these count.

It’s because when it rains, which it does a lot in this tropical paradise, My Right Elbow Aches. A Creaky, Cranky, Old Lady Ache. Formerly injured, causing a lingering tendonitis, my right elbow was “healed” soon before I departed for this mission, according to my orthopedic prowess. But now, every single gal-darn time it rains, which fortuitously for the flowers, and un-fortuitously for my elbow, it aches blasphemously.

So, I think I’ll have a party to celebrate my Old-Ladyship. Invitations will soon be in the mail, and sometimes in the next three decades (you know old ladies don’t rush into things) we will have the celebration, with a PARADE.

I am started Russian lessons last week, and I think I will also consider Old Lady Lessons as well. My MSF colleagues will hear a patchwork of my loud Russian accents, with fierceness, aggression and a frown, and then my delicate, whimpering accents (with my lip curled) and a frown. They will complement nicely, I think.

By the time I get home I should be properly hobbling, cantankerous as all get out, despising all things fresh and youthful, except flowers, grandchildren and men, and incessantly discussing my Colonic Misbehaviors, and of course my elbow. I will likely moan endlessly that for every 2 pounds I loose, I seem to gain three pounds of wrinkles.

Oh, joyous day, oh blessed moment, when every woman discovers she is an Old Lady.

Da’lings, I receive your warm congratulations with humble pride and bountiful gratitude.

No giggling…………..