After 4 months time, with all the war and work, the rats and rain, the smells, the struggles, the sadness’s, today I finally let homesickness come into my room.
And she stayed awhile, and comforted me while I cried. She wasn’t really a sickness as much as an imaginary presence that quietly entered when I wasn’t looking.
She came while I was listening to music. She lured me into wonderful, soothing places of joy and melancholy.
It wasn’t really that I wanted to be home, it was more about wanting to be hugged and loved in a way “home” hugs and loves. With purpose, with gentleness, with acceptance. With flesh and blood. I wanted some of that today. Just a little bit of “home” to sit with me while I cried. No need to talk or solve anything. Just be here with me.
This imaginary presence told me about:
my family that has given me love and titles (mom, wife, sister, daughter, cousin,and my favorite title, babooska-grandmother), offered go-get-‘em-girl support and plenty of patience,
my friends that have brought their immense depth to share with me and offered me renewal and challenge beyond my dreams and wishes
my places that provide a large allotment of pleasure, our mountain cabin, favorite walking spots, friends homes………..
I was grateful for “homesickness” or what I now call “home-imagination”.
She didn’t disrupt the quiet fan that was keeping me cool, nor was her intensity sufficient to drown out the gentle rain. She was noticeable but barely.
I wished home-imagination had a body. I wished that body was sitting here holding me and singing to me or dancing with me or simply being here.
She left after a while. She didn’t say goodbye. I guess she will return.
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Musings from Genie while on assignment with MSF
Thanks for sharing....
ReplyDeleteI know for me, that no matter how rewarding the work, home and family always call
I believe she came to visit here too. We have felt loneliness in your absense across the miles. I have lots to share with you when you return, and I'm sure it will fill up, no, it will overfill, your listening cup. I can't hardly wait, how bout you? You are one tough cookie, hmm, probably not a good comparison for you right now. Tough as nails sounds better. Hug something and think of us. Do they have horses around there?
ReplyDeleteLove ya lots,
Missy and crew
"Doc Pritchett"
ReplyDeleteYou know me not but I have heard an awful lot about you over the past three, or so, years - none was 'awful'. That is a Virginia colocoqual adjective for mighty, extremely, etc. etc.
Today I am trying to put-up with your older Sister as she tries to read over my shoulder while 'bitchin' about her eye, headache, fatigue and the North Texas July HEAT - Its all-the-way down to 101 on the porch at 02:20 hrs (CDST).
She is at High Hopes Farm in beautiful, wild, rugged Palo Pinto County, TEXAS! Frances is babysitting the Jack Russell (Jett & Maggie) menagerie.
We have read a bit of your BLOG and I decided to post a reply - response (?) - whatever. it is the first BLOG response I have ever posted. Now lets not get to thinking I have not written editors, commentators, senators, congresspersons & governors and alleged newsfolk. They are 'fair game'!
Sister Pat is doing okay - if she would just settle down and not over do a 32 hour weekend of work with two more days of fill-in, substitute or whatever the nursing profession calls it.
Love your humor; the descriptions of the country, people & environment (work & living) conditions are found interesting. My personal philosophy likely will differ from your humanitarian devotion as I firmly believe we, the U.S. of A., should not meddle, be, or concern itself with any nation whose name ends in "stan", or any with adjacent borders. Otherwise a 'nuke', or two should remedy the situation. What do you mean 'Redneck Warmonger' ?
I will continue to read and likely ask for your email address to send mine. I defer to discretion and decline to post it here.
/s/: Doug - C:>)
Lawyer-Farmer-Drugstore Cowboy
@ High Hopes Farm